Louise Palanker is the author of the acclaimed coming of age novel, Journals: Middle School Love & War. Here, she answers your questions about growing up. For more questions and answers, visit us at Journals Network.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Question from Jennaismyname
Weezy: Make sure you are clicking on “Browse Advice Here” and not the “Backup Advice Server.” We put that up when Tumblr went down. It is not currently up to date. So, to make sure you can see every question, just touch the choice that reads: “Browse Advice Here.”
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Question from Jessica
Weezy: I really don’t know what to make of this question. Do you know if you like him or not? Because if you don’t, please don’t let your friends push you into something you’re not ready to do. And even if he does like you, he should be asking you out.
Furthermore… The friend who prank called him and cussed at him… Not cool. She needs to tone it all down. She is being obnoxious on your behalf and you are allowing it. You do not need to have your friends texting, phoning and scolding guys for you and coaxing you into wearing make up and asking guys out. Grow up at your own pace.
Comment from Bookmark
Weezy: OK, wonderful.
Question from Makynzie
Weezy: I am not a fan of piercing any part of the mouth. Our mouths are too important to pierce, in my opinion.
If you want to do a piercing that is a little edgy, I would go with the belly button or the upper ear. You speak with your mouth and you eat with your mouth and so much of your personality emanates forth from your mouth.
When you are interacting with someone, the focus is on the mouth and the eyes. I would not pierce anything that distracts from who you actually are. You are not a piercing. A piercing is meant to punctuate who you are or season who you are. It is not the entire recipe.
Question from Maya
Weezy: By “Survey” do you mean the Diary Questions? I hope you are not taking the survey every day! That would get boring.
If you mean, the Diary questions, I would be happy to answer the for you here. That would be quite fun.
Question from The Twig Girl
Weezy: I think you may have a distorted image of yourself. It’s a good idea to work on that now while you are still in 7th grade.
If you do not believe it when people are telling you that you are pretty, it’s almost as if you are accusing them of lying. You need to take in the comment, allow your mind to absorb it and say, “Thank you.” It’s OK for you to feel awkward and insecure at your age, but there needs to be a part of you that knows you really are pretty and you are just waiting for your perception to catch up with the reality. You are going to become a beautiful woman. You just are.
As for your nose. Clearly you are the only one who is noticing it. If it is still bothering you when you turn 18 or 21, you can have it surgically altered, however I would prefer that you wait to grow into your nose and your image of your nose before you have anyone take a knife to it. Your nose is probably just perfect for your face. You just need to stop judging it so harshly.
When you say that you want to rip it off your face, I get the feeling that you are not angry at your nose, you are angry at yourself and I am not sure why. That’s something you need to explore.
Eat as many fruits and vegetables as you can, whether you like them or not and get used to the idea that you are pretty and that maybe you should start to believe it.
Question from Cassandra
P.S. I think that if I went to school with you (when you were a kid) I would choose to be your friend!!!!!!! :)
Weezy: That is awesome. Me too! Thank you. As for David, I think it could mean that people know that you like him or that people know that he likes you or better yet, both! It certainly isn’t a bad thing. I hope it made you smile.
Question from Sarah The Confused
Weezy: It is very common for two girls to like the same boy. You have been liking him for awhile and he is currently not dating either one of you, so just be honest about your feelings and let her be honest about her feelings. If you need to agree not to speak to each other about John, do so, but it is certainly your right to like him.
Question from Brit
Weezy: You’ve been honest with him and that’s the best thing. As long as he is dating someone else, you need to respect that. I understand that you miss him but your current choices are to either be friends with him, understanding that he is in a relationship or to not be friends with him.
I hope you have learned not to succumb to peer pressure when it comes to matters of the heart. (or other matters, for that matter) You have no idea how it hurt him when you broke up with him for this reason.
Knowing that you still have feelings for him, he may one day be ready to rekindle your relationship, but you will just have to be patient and understand that what happened happened and he is with somebody else right now.
Question from Ashley
Weezy: It’s up to you, but this is not going to be the last time he will do something like this to you. Your friend is a true friend. Your boyfriend is not. He cheated and then he lied about it. ”just joking” is not an adequate excuse. Coming on to someone is never a joke.
The choice is yours but he is not worthy of you, in my opinion.
Question from Bookmark
Weezy: Your advice is EXCELLENT! She needs to wait. Any victory that comes as a result of behavior which shames us is empty and hollow.
She may think she wants to break them up, but she does not. For many reasons. Top among them are: 1) Even if she “wins” him, how will she know for sure that he is over T? 2) Does she really want a guy that may leave her the way she wants him to leave T? and 3) If she lets their relationships take its natural course and he then finds himself falling for her, she will know that he is truly choosing her on his own and not because she forced something to happen that was not ready to happen 4) Girl Code. We don’t do that to fellow females. We don’t “steal” their men.
Tell her she can be warm and friendly and easy to talk to, etc. But she needs to respect the relationship.
You should have your own column!
Question from Scarlet
Weezy: I think you should angle towards staying in touch with him and not worry, quite yet, about asking him out. Girls asking guys out, especially before the age of 16, is fraught with potential awkwardness.
If you are are friends, get to be better friends. Make your friendship strong and solid before you go off to different schools. Then, he will know that you are someone with whom he would like to remain in touch, and you can invite him over or to the movies or to anything that will sustain your friendship. If it is meant to blossom into somehing more, it will.
Question from Natalia
Weezy: You have a very good spirit and a strong sense of personal justice and these are very good qualities. HOWEVER, if your school has a dress code, then that is that, and if we want to get along in life, we have to find a way to be our own people, but still comply with the laws of the land.
You are not rolling over and sacrificing your personality if you adhere to a dress code. You are simply agreeing to do what is required of you in a certain setting. You can’t wear pajamas to school either and so you don’t.
Put your eyebrow ring back in when you come home and on weekends and take it out for school. I know you are angry and you feel violated. But trust me, you have more important battles to fight, in your life, than this one.
Question from Regina
Weezy: OMG, Yes! How could it mean otherwise? A boy may say he doesn’t when he really does, but he would have no good reason to say yes if he means no.
Now, go talk to him!
Question from Teenie
Weezy: Who allowed that to happen? Change your password immediately and ask her to remove your email account from her iPod. If she is not willing to do that, gmail is free and you can set up an account in seconds. As long as it’s OK, with your parents, set up a new gmail with a new password and do not put it on anyone else’s device!
Question from Grade 8 Girl in Love
Ok there is a boy who likes to bug me…A LOT!
Today at school he did the “Two for flinching, one or fun” thing, but it was a playful hit. Than after that I put on perfume (I always wear it) then he was like “What smells so nice?”
He actually went around looking for the person wearing it. I told him it was me, and he was like “That perfume smells really good!” I started to laugh and so did he. I should mention though he is one of the most ‘popular’ boys in our city (our city isn’t that big but it’s population is around 3,000) I’m not one of the most popular girls. We like to bug each other a lot. Does he like me??I can’t get him off my mind! And I can’t stop wondering if he likes me!?!?
Weezy: I think he likes you. Don’t worry about the popular vs. not popular factor. If a boy likes you, he likes you and that is not going to stop him. Continue being yourself and getting to know him and know that you certainly are worthy of his attentions.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Question from Layn
Only recently I found out that she’s been keeping this huge secret about her from me, love life wise, for more than two years now and of our circle of friends, I’m the last person to know! She knows I know. I try to be ok with it, and in a way, I am, but… It hurts me to think that the so called twin sister I thought I knew like the back of my hand is a total stranger to me. There was so much I didn’t know.
This whole thing is putting a strain on our friendship, and I feel us both slipping away from each other. I want us to be ok again. Any advice?
Weezy: Just for a moment, take your hurt and anger and set it aside and ask yourself this: “Why did she feel she couldn’t tell me? What were her fears?” Did she think you wouldn’t approve? Did she think you liked the same person? Did she think you would be worried for her? etc. etc.
When you are ready, go to her and say, with only care and concern in your voice, “Why did you think you couldn’t tell me? Let her talk.
Then you can tell her how hurt you were and that you hope she knows that she can tell you anything.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Question from Blahh
Weezy: You and this guy have a complicated history and relationship. You both still have feelings for one another and being "just friends" is going to be difficult for both of you.
It's time for a conversation. Not just texts back and forth, mixed with awkward flirtations with each other's friends. I'm not sure why you have been so "on again, off again," but while you are not dating, a "no flirting" policy will be difficult to enforce.
I think he still has feelings for you and you clearly still have feelings for him, so you two may be an "all or nothing" couple, meaning, you are either dating, or you can not be friends. It will be too painful. So, it's time to figure out what you want to be.
Question from Teenie
ps. Last time I was Teez but I was typing fast so it was supposed to be teenie. So I’m really teenie. Not teez.
Weezy: Got it. I think her statement to you says it all. This girl is insecure and she has a cruel streak. Nobody hates you because you are friends with someone who broke up with someone. People tend to judge each person for themselves.
You have a mad crush on this boy and you are over thinking this. I love what you said to Katie. That is awesome. But right now, it’s time for you stop speaking with her listening to a girl who would make such a mean spirited comment. She is unworthy of your time and of your thought.
Question from Sarah The Confused
Weezy: It’s all very perfectly clear. I have a sneaky idea. Why don’t you “accidentally” text him something you would text a friend, like: “Hey, what time is basketball?” He’ll text back, “Huh?” And then you can say, “Oops, my bad. Your number was in my phone “en espanol” from 6th grade. I meant to text, Tiffany. Anyway, how are you? I never see you this year?”
Are you bold enough to try it? I say, why not?
Question from Becca
Weezy: You must confront him. You had every right to know about his dating and sexual history. But you are going to have to set your anger aside for this conversation.
You need to ask him in a straight forward, non judgmental manner. If you are angry and you back him into a corner, you won’t learn what you need to learn and what you need is the truth.
First the physical part. If you and he have been intimate, then you need to be tested. Gay men are still at a higher risk for HIV-AIDS and he must be honest with you about his sexual history so that you can protect yourself.
Now the emotional part. It is highly unlikely that he “used to be” gay. Most men are either gay or not. He may be trying to live as a straight man or able to fall in love with a woman but still feeling attracted to men or some mix of the above.
But wherever his head and his heart and his body are, in terms of his sexuality, it does effect you and you do need to hear the truth. In order to get the truth, approach him with no anger. Speak with him. Learn what you need to learn and then you can cry, talk to loved ones, get a health screening and plan your next move.
Question from Stressed Now
Weezy: No more texts and or emails on this issue. It’s time for some face to face talking. Let everyone vent and let everyone apologize. People get upset when they feel unheard and misunderstood.
Give everyone a voice and you can clear all of this up.
Question from :/
Weezy: We have not changed anything. Please read my message carefully. When Tumblr is down, we are down. Sometimes apps and the Internet seem like magic, but they are not. And when something breaks upon which we all depend (such as Tumblr) we get angry.
I started a blogger page as a back up posting place so that I don’t have to go days without answering your questions when Tumblr is down.
Tumblr has been an excellent host to our dialogue but it is the fastest growing blogging site on the Internet right now and if they need to come down for a day or two to organize and grow, we will all just have to be patient.
For me, the logical solution was to create a page on another blogging site where I can continue answering your questions no matter what happens.
Question from Bookmark
Weezy: If you like him then just continue "mirroring" which is what you are already instinctively doing. He poked you and you poked him back. If he smiles, smile back. If he asks you a question about your day or your life, ask him about his, etc.
Please don't feel as if you have to do something immediate and overt. You don't. Relationships are much nicer if they are allowed to grow naturally. You are doing just fine.
Question from No BFF
Weezy: I think it's a great idea and I think that ground rules are very important. But the ground rules should not be about ultimatums such as "complete honesty." They should provide safety.
Everyone needs to feel safe. They can speak and they will not be attacked. You should use a a "speaking item." This can be a stuffed animal or something that you hold when you speak. The person holding the item must not be interrupted. If someone wishes to speak, they can raise their hand and the person with the item can finish their thought and then call on them. If anyone feels threatened or attacked, they can ask for a time out.
It would be great if an adult or an impartial person could be present to mediate and keep things fair.
I am always a big fan of talking things out, but the space must be safe and your goal should be that nobody leaves until EVERYONE is feeling better.
Question from Long Distance Lisa
Question from Claudia
do u speak french cuz i noticed that when
u responded to a french question!
Weezy: juste un petit peu. Just a little bit. I did take French in school but I used the iGoogle translator to help me with that question.
Question from Charlotta
The other day i got a text off my mate's phone saying hi, so i replied saying, Heyyy x then on the same phone i got a reply saying this isn't josh this is his step sister sascha xx
So, i said oh hi, and she then said she didn't want to use all his credit. can she text me on her phone i said okaayyyy??
We started a conversation and i realized a lot of people at school knew her.
We are quite good friends. haven't met up because i'm worried she isn't who she says she is!
Weezy: I would be worried too. Please don't, once again, give your phone number to someone you don't actually know in person.
Ask Josh how this happened and who this person is. Do not agree to meet ANYONE in person by yourself. If this “Sascha” is well known at school, then ask around about her and see if you can approach her, in full view of your friends at school to see if she was the person texting you.
If she was not, notify an adult and do not respond to one more text from this person.
Question from Charlotta
What are 7/8/9 Graders in english terms because i don't understand. is a seventh grader a year seven here in England!?
Thanx xx
Weezy: I do believe so. In the U.S. Seventh graders are around 12 or 13 years old. 8th graders are 13 or 14 and 9th graders are 14 and 15, or thereabouts.
Question from Mentally Sick
I'M 12 AND ADDICTED TO PORN HELLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being serious!
Weezy: You are not mentally sick. You have an issue and your letter shows that you are ready to address it. The question is, who do you tell? Obviously, this is an embarrassing addiction but it is one that can be very debilitating and distracting because of the access the Internet provides to porn sites. For a young boy, this can be too much too soon and your concern is valid. Your concern also tells me that with the right help, you will overcome this problem.
You need to find a male, hopefully your father, to whom you can confide. I know it's scary, but a man will understand. Every man was once a 12 year old boy. Please talk to someone. Help is closer than you think.
Question from Morgan
dear author,
my name is morgan.
I suffer from bulimia.
I have no one to talk to about it.
please reply.
Weezy: Morgan, you are not alone and I am very happy you have reached out for help. If you feel that you can not talk to your parents, please call this number, 800-931-2237. You can also check out this website. It's NEDA, The National Eating Disorder Association. They will make you sure you get the attention you need.